He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
