No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
