Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
