Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
