I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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