a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
