I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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