if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
