I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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