I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize