Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
