What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
