dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
