i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
