I got chris browned last night
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
