I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
