"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
