I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
