Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
