We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
