I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate all girls vehemently.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
