i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
