So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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