I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize