you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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