I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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