You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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