If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
