They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
