I met the friendliest cop last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
