We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
