Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
