If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
