I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
