let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
