The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
