elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
