I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i came on her dog
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
