This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize