Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
