were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
