i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize