I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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