i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
