She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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