When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
