the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
