You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
