Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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