and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can you bring me the toilet please
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
