Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
