i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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