4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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