the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
