some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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