I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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