so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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