Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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