Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
