can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In other news, I just burned my penis
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize