Cold hands, warm shart.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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