pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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