At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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