Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
