singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
