i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
