found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
