Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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